Lunacy Epic One Liners.......

[momofthegoons]

 

[GreenHopper]

'Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

 

[momofthegoons]

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."

 

[momofthegoons]

I guess, technically, this is two lines?

 

[momofthegoons]

Between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.

 

[Stevenski]

I have always found Winston Churchills retort to Lady Astor to be an upper echelon one liner.

"You, Mr Churchill, are drunk."

"And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

 

[Sixstringsmash]

EDIT: Just read @Stevenski churchill post and since everyone loves a nice churchill retort I'll share my favorite(also to Lady Nancy Astor):

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your tea."

Churchill: "If I were your husband, I'd drink it!"

 

[momofthegoons]

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

 

[momofthegoons]

 

[momofthegoons]

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

 

[fluffhead]

You'll never get hemorrhoids because you're a perfect asshole.

 

[momofthegoons]

The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so.

 

[Killick]

Does your face hurt? Because it's killing me...

 

[momofthegoons]

I love asking children what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.

 

[momofthegoons]

 

[Baron23]

Take my wife.......please! Bada bing, bada boom!

 

[momofthegoons]

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

 

[Baron23]

Lord Sandwich said to Foote,
“which do you think will happen to you first, disease or acquaintance with the gallows.”

Foote replied,
“That depends upon circumstances, which are these, whether I embrace your Lordship’s mistress, or your principles.”

 

[Helios]

“Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.”

 

[ataxian]

“Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.”

I’ve been poor and rich!
Rich is better.