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Lunacy When Michael Met Sierra

Sigh ... Sierra just loves to embarrass me.

We're at the grocery store. We generally avoid the self-checkouts because automatons are destroying jobs and, IMO, are just helping the rich get richer.

But today was a day where we had no choice. The lines were absurd and we had to get home to ... uh ... you know.

So they've got this female voice running the show on this program. And she's demanding, impatient, a bully, and basically unpleasant all around.

"Scan your Advantage Card NOW!"

"Put your item in the bag NOW!"

"FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE CARD READER NOW!!!"

"Do NOT forget to take your RECEIPT and all YOUR ITEMS NOW!"


So Sierra got fed up with it about halfway through the process and yelled out, "Yeah, I'm fucking going, BITCH!"

I reminded her it's just a machine.

And at the end, when angry machine woman DEMANDED that we PLEASE TAKE YOUR ITEMS NOW!!!" ...

Sierra: Yeah, I'm doing it now BITCH! What the FUCK??!!"

Me: Sweetie, you're yelling at a computer program.

Sierra: I don't care! She being a bitch!

And she was yelling loud enough for the whole store to hear. Sigh.

The last time I'm going to let her vape a full chamber off our Grasshopper before we go in anywhere. :hmm:
 
EveryDayAmnesiac said:
Sigh ... Sierra just loves to embarrass me.

We're at the grocery store. We generally avoid the self-checkouts because automatons are destroying jobs and, IMO, are just helping the rich get richer.

But today was a day where we had no choice. The lines were absurd and we had to get home to ... uh ... you know.

So they've got this female voice running the show on this program. And she's demanding, impatient, a bully, and basically unpleasant all around.

"Scan your Advantage Card NOW!"

"Put your item in the bag NOW!"

"FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE CARD READER NOW!!!"

"Do NOT forget to take your RECEIPT and all YOUR ITEMS NOW!"


So Sierra got fed up with it about halfway through the process and yelled out, "Yeah, I'm fucking going, BITCH!"

I reminded her it's just a machine.

And at the end, when angry machine woman DEMANDED that we PLEASE TAKE YOUR ITEMS NOW!!!" ...

Sierra: Yeah, I'm doing it now BITCH! What the FUCK??!!"

Me: Sweetie, you're yelling at a computer program.

Sierra: I don't care! She being a bitch!

And she was yelling loud enough for the whole store to hear. Sigh.

The last time I'm going to let her vape a full chamber off our Grasshopper before we go in anywhere. :hmm:
Click to expand...

21st century cat fight!
Hope it never gets to hair pulling!
Apologies for the sexism, couldn't resist
 
Ugh. The catfight is on its way, only a matter of time, but it won't be between Sierra and a self-checkout. :hmm:

I'm on the lookout for it, but I can only do so much, being an old fat fuck.

Anyway, I have once again spent my evening cooking for a dozen college girls, all with with different asks and requirements and allergies and preferences. And the temp is at nearly 55F even at 9:30 pm so of course they can get away with anything, the way they're dressed. And they know it. Hetero men are powerless to say no to anything a girl says when she knows her booty looks good. Not going to happen. Not in a million years.

I thought it might happen, when one girl wanted sashimi tuna cooked well done ... I thought that was my breaking point. But then she gave me the smile and pose and I ... just told my body to do it. I was helpless.

Guess who does all the dishes? Me. I feel like an indentured servant at this point. I can't say no to a girl. I just can't.


ANYWAY ... "The Girls" are up to The Whisperers on Walking Dead.

This is a group that wears the skin of zombies to walk among them to hide and control the zombies. It gets weird.


 
I decided it had been too long since I played a verbal prank on my sweet lady. And considering she's been doing the plastic wrap over the door prank for days, I had to take it up a notch.

Me: Bae, we need to talk.

Her: Dude, don't use that word. Seriously.

Me: Girl, we need to talk.

Her: LOL. Don't say that either.

Me: We need to talk about why I had to flee Canada.

Her: Dude, I'm not falling for this again.

Me: No, no, this time it's for realsy, no dealsy. The straight dope.

Her: How does someone get as old as you? How is it even possible?

Me: Okay. So there were several dozen legitimate reliable eyewitnesses and tales and rumors that I had broken Canada's most sacred of all laws. It also applies to northern Minnesota but moreso Canada.

Her: Sigh. Okay. What? Just do your little joke.

Me: I was caught moose fucking.

Her: Um.... what is that?

Me: It's exactly what it sounds like.

Her: LOL. That is like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I don't want to hear any more.

Me: You don't want to hear more? First time I've ever heard that.

Her: Dude, just ... no. If you were ANYONE ELSE I would be driving away right now.

Me: I just felt this was the appropriate time and venue to share some dark secrets.

Her: ...........



And no, I have never had sex with a moose. Believe it or not. And yeah, when I moved to NC, I was called "Moose Fucker" for the first few years. :eyebrow:
 
EveryDayAmnesiac said:
I decided it had been too long since I played a verbal prank on my sweet lady. And considering she's been doing the plastic wrap over the door prank for days, I had to take it up a notch.

Me: Bae, we need to talk.

Her: Dude, don't use that word. Seriously.

Me: Girl, we need to talk.

Her: LOL. Don't say that either.

Me: We need to talk about why I had to flee Canada.

Her: Dude, I'm not falling for this again.

Me: No, no, this time it's for realsy, no dealsy. The straight dope.

Her: How does someone get as old as you? How is it even possible?

Me: Okay. So there were several dozen legitimate reliable eyewitnesses and tales and rumors that I had broken Canada's most sacred of all laws. It also applies to northern Minnesota but moreso Canada.

Her: Sigh. Okay. What? Just do your little joke.

Me: I was caught moose fucking.

Her: Um.... what is that?

Me: It's exactly what it sounds like.

Her: LOL. That is like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I don't want to hear any more.

Me: You don't want to hear more? First time I've ever heard that.

Her: Dude, just ... no. If you were ANYONE ELSE I would be driving away right now.

Me: I just felt this was the appropriate time and venue to share some dark secrets.

Her: ...........



And no, I have never had sex with a moose. Believe it or not. And yeah, when I moved to NC, I was called "Moose Fucker" for the first few years. :eyebrow:
Click to expand...

Projection?


Edit: Honestly I had to wait until I was on shrooms to respond to this one
....And I still got nothing so we have to roll with projection
So much for the creativity and omg the typing while the letters move
 
I have to admit ... watching my beloved car dance while listening to this song and answering hate texts from my ex-wife... kinda made my day.

And sorta turned me on. :cool:

Or maybe it was the maybe two whole minutes of footage we filmed ... for project the second. Because there is a section of a campus that is generally empty at night and looks like a mental ward. :hmm:





And then we went home and I made buttery rice that had butter up the yin-yang. It was more butter than rice. Fuck it. :thumbsup:
 
Shit. Lot to unpack here.

So I used to have this problem where I would think out loud to myself in various voices - generally impersonations.

The worst was in my 20s and I would just walk around the house thinking out loud anything Christopher Walken might think ... if he were having a stroke and his brother was Agent Mulder and his cousin Jerry Seinfeld. Could possibly be the reason my marriage failed. Which, if the case, is hilarious. Sad and stupid, but hilarious.

So the fiancé got on me about this new trend I've started.

I guess I'm talking like Ledger Joker meets Negan.

"Michael. Seriously. It's getting annoying. Can you just please talk in your regular voice?"

What voice is that? I don't even know anymore. I do voices all day that I literally don't know what my regular voice is.

"Just talk like you just woke up."

"So you want me to talk like a six-year-old with laryngitis?"

"If that means you stop talking like Negan, then yes. And stop with the whole swaying thing. It's obnoxious."

Sierra ... not one to mince words.
 
So. my little lady and I had a bit of a fight today. Nothing all that bad. Just life. But I huffed and I puffed and I stormed out (of my own house :hmm:) and took a drive. Smart move. Because gasoline is so cheap these days. :mental:

I came back at nightfall to find her phone on repeat.

I found her curled up with Harley and Rocket and Hesh. And grilled cheese squares staying warm in the oven. And this song playing and her phone plugged in.





If you think you've caught on to something. Don't let it go.

Life is so busted.

So yeah. I feel like a piece of shit.
 
I'm mostly keeping my draft true. Like in the really real world.

Like in the really real world.
 
Well fuckity fuck face fuck with some additional fuck plus some more fuck in the face for some fucking good measure.

My lady friend has been on me about my coarse and vulgar language. Fuck that shit. As long as I keep giving her "The high hard one."

To be honest, that phrase actually bothers me. It's so gross. :dog:

Anyway, she's bedridden due to a tumble down the stairs and I'm playing nurse to her every whim. And she is milking that shit. And no, sweetie, I am not going to watch you play Grand Theft Auto for even another minute.

:disgust:

But goddamn, does she look good in her jammy jams ... which is basically nude .:nod:
 
Michael got this pretty much right but he forgot one thing I guess that s why he calls him self eda.

We did meet at the hospital and I love d the way he looked because his hair was a mess and his eyes were all gone and his beard and all that. I wanted to hold him like as soon as I saw him.

He's still forgetting though what he said he said love is the last thing
worth hurting for anymore. That s when I fell in love with him.

God and now I talk like him and everyone makes fun of me
 
So... I've been in the hospital awhile. The physical but more the mental kind.

And the first message I read was from a haunted ass nursing home where I saw ghosts and heard music from the 30's coming through the kitchen pipes and saw a woman in a fugue state stare at me under a spotlight and then disappear. And this place wanted their key back. Nevermind the cars with tinted windows showing up after hours to steal meds from residents.

So we went in guns a blazing.

I was in full costume. Radiohead cap. Sunglasses. Trench coat. Spikey hair. Beard six ways from Sunday. A hundred pounds underweight. Cargo pants and converse shoes. Scared the shit out of everyone.

And this song blaring.
 
I don't post here much, I don't have anything to offer really. But Michael has been a total a hole today so I'm going to embarrass him while he's passed out on whatever he's on.

I was talking to a friend about how some random was trying to pull on her puss. Guess what Michael said to me next? I recorded it.

Excuse me young miss lady madam but would you grant me the desperate but honorable and chivalrous and loving attempt to pull on that puss of yours?

Who the fuck says that?

And he likes to act like he's all this and that. Believe me he ain't this or that.


He's even taking credit for a song ON MY PLAYLIST!!! Omg.

It fits our movie perfectly. I knew he liked it because he shut up for 5 minutes.


 
Well well wellity well well well. And additional wellity. You've got some nerve, little miss young lady madam. I am not pimping your toenails ever again! That's your punishment! Oh and I'm totally flirting with Stephanie again. Not really, but you fell for it. So whipped.:ko:
 
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