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Lunacy Jokes

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying,
"I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me"
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...

After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone...

"She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy french nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.
Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote...
"I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
 
Jerry was in a Hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?"

The nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his balls in the other. She takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them sir."
Jerry pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: "Thanks for that. It was lovely but listen very very carefully ... Are-my-test-results-back?!"
 
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