THE COVID CANCEL CULUTRE QUIZ SHOW
Hi, everybody. I’m Bob Torquemada, host of the new COVID Cancel Culture Quiz Show. And here’s our first contestant tonight, Mike, a gym owner from New Jersey. Are you ready to play our game, Mike?
I’m ready, Bob.
Good. I have to warn you, Mike. So far, no contestant has won a prize. Instead, they’ve had to endure penalties for losing. So let’s get started. I’m going to present you with four situations designed to limit your individual freedom. You have to explain why these situations aren’t legitimate. Ready?
Ready.
The first one is: You make a remark to a college student, and she says, “I’m triggered.” She’s trying to limit your freedom of speech. How do you respond?
Well, Bob, let’s say I’m a student, too, and I’m in the cafeteria standing in line to get my food. She’s working behind the counter. I say, “I’ll have the burger and fries.” She looks horrified and says, “I’m triggered. ‘BURGER AND FRIES’ makes me feel anxious.” But that’s ridiculous. It makes no sense. I’m free to order my food. There’s no rational cause and effect relationship between my request and her reaction.
Good enough, Mike. That’s acceptable. Here’s the second situation. You’re walking down the street and six people wearing masks come up to you and scream, “You’re white! Whiteness is racist! Get off the street!”
Bob, first of all, these people are trying to tell me I can’t walk on the street. That’s certainly limiting my freedom. And second, having white skin doesn’t make me racist. There’s no automatic cause and effect relationship between having white skin and being racist.
No major flaws in your position, Mike. You advance to the third round. A group in your town is claiming that owning a business and making a profit is evil. You own a store. How do you respond?
Bob, again, this would be an attempt to limit my freedom by telling me I have no right to own a business because it’s some sort of crime. While it’s true that some corporations are crooked, the basic fact of owning a business and having employees and paying their salaries is completely legitimate. Making a profit is legit, too. Otherwise, how am I going to pay those salaries? Ambition to make a profit, in and of itself, is entirely reasonable.
A passable answer, Mike. Now here’s the fourth situation. There is a declared pandemic. You’re told a virus is attacking the world. You have to wear a mask, keep your distance from other people, stay indoors, close your business, and wait for the governor of your state to lift the COVID restrictions. When the vaccine is available, you have to take it, in order to earn an immunity certificate, which lets you travel, enter certain venues, and mingle with others openly.
Okay, Bob. First of all, did researchers really prove this virus exists? They’re not providing evidence. They claim they’ve isolated the virus, but what they really mean is, they have the virus in a soup, in a dish in the lab, mixed together with all sorts of other material. There is no proof the virus is actually in the dish.
Sorry, Mike, that’s not going to fly. Many studies claim the virus has been isolated.
Yes, Bob, but those studies are twisting the meaning of “isolated.”
No. Your answer is unacceptable. Everybody knows you’re wrong. Anything else?
Absolutely, Bob. When researchers claim they’ve sequenced the genetic structure of the virus, they really mean they’re guessing what that sequence is, because they never had an actual isolated specimen of the virus to begin with.
Wrong again, Mike. Those researchers are experts.
Anyway, Bob, even assuming the virus is real, masks don’t work, and they have harmful effects.
Wrong, Mike. Dr. Fauci said masks are unnecessary and then he said they’re necessary, so masks are necessary.
The lockdowns, Bob, are actually house arrest. They’re unconstitutional, first of all, and even assuming the virus is real, lockdowns wouldn’t stop viral transmission. Destroying the economy and people’s lives with lockdowns is a major crime.
Sorry, wrong again, Mike. Lockdowns are absolutely necessary. You need to obey all the rules and keep your mouth shut. That’s part of what America means. Facebook and Twitter confirm that. So you lose this quiz, Mike.
What? I haven’t even talked about the worthless PCR test yet.
Bob, because you lose, there are penalties. You have to take the PCR test, cooperate with contact tracing, stay indoors alone for two weeks, close your business, and accept the vaccine. After vaccination, you have to keep wearing a mask, and you’ll have to get tested on a regular basis. Loss of freedom is the price loyal citizens must pay to keep us all safe. You see, Mike, there is a CAUSE AND EFFECT RELATIONSHIP THAT BINDS US ALL TOGETHER. IT STARTS WITH THE VIRUS. THE VIRUS MEANS WE’RE ALL AT RISK FROM EACH OTHER. WHAT YOU INDIVIDUALLY DO INEVITABLY AFFECTS EVERYONE ELSE. YOU CAN’T ESCAPE FROM THAT REALITY. SO YOUR FREEDOM HAS TO BE SQUELCHED.
I refuse, Bob. I won’t go along.
Then you’ll also pay a stiff fine, and possibly go to jail, Mike. Let’s move one level deeper, and maybe you’ll understand. Listen closely. Most people accept the existence of the virus. Therefore, for all practical purposes, it does exist. Everything else flows from that mass perception and acceptance. The masks, the distancing, the lockdowns, the vaccine—these are the necessary consequences. And on a metaphysical level, reality IS what people consent to. Now, how can the desires of one individual be allowed to countermand what most people consent to? The individual is AN EXTINCT NOTION. In his place, we have the State, and the Plan on how to organize the State. This is the natural evolution of government. Eventually, it all comes down to a definition of The Good. As Plato realized 2500 years ago, The Good is the highest idea humans can contemplate. And humans must embody that idea in their government and ENFORCE IT. So it’s inevitable that individual freedom will be curtailed and ultimately constricted. Freedom is, so to speak, conquered by The Good.
I disagree, Bob. That’s a slippery slimy argument. America was founded on a different ideal. Individual freedom. That’s what America is supposed to aspire to. That’s the struggle we’ve been in, since the beginning. Freedom is unlimited, but with the condition that you don’t infringe on another person’s liberty. American wasn’t founded on a definition of The Good or The Collective Good.
Okay, Mike, I’ve heard enough. I can give you six bonus points for trying to argue your way out of the penalties with fervor and passion. So let’s see. When I add up your answers to the first three challenges, and then your failure to handle the fourth situation…you’ll have to stay indoors alone for a week and get tested three times. Then we’ll reassess your situation. I can provide you with four rolls of toilet paper, a dozen cans of string beans, and three blocks of cheese from Government Storage, a subsidiary of the US Department of Justice. Thanks for being on the show, Mike.
Screw you, Bob.
I get that a lot. It’s part of my job on…THE COVID CANCEL CULTURE QUIZ SHOW, brought to you by Smartest Phone Services: keeping you under surveillance and in the loop and safe during hard times. Remember, folks, much of what you’re told about the need to cancel culture is debatable, but THE VIRUS ENDURES. It’s the bottom line on why this isn’t your grandfather’s freedom anymore. We’re in a NEW WORLD. And it must have ORDER. We’ll be back after the break with another contestant, a doctor who thinks the vaccine is dangerous and ineffective. Watch what we have in store for him…
COMMERCIAL ONE: Hello, I’m Dr. Frank Stein. These days, your one trusted source for accurate pandemic information is the Centers for Disease Control. While we have no comment on Bob Torquemada’s statements about social issues, his COVID science and virology are solid. Thanks, Bob, for your great and insightful work, and congrats on your Emmy nomination.
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